Dialogue Key to “Free Speech” – not more time at the mic

The recent debate about “free speech” at Lansing Council Meetings has largely missed the point.  Both “sides” could benefit from some fresh perspectives when they are willing to listen.  Alarmingly, it’s the willingness to listen that’s lacking.  Most participants in the debate have become polarized and negative in their communications that they’ve co-created an environment that undermines good communication, listening, and creative conversation. 

The secret to good communication is not more time at the microphone.  It’s not about yelling, leaving the room, or assembling a larger army of attackers.  Talking louder and longer at each other is like dousing a fire with rocket fuel.  Things get hotter.  People get burned.

When people feel attacked or get angry, brains enter “fight or flight” mode.  Activity in the thinking and creative parts of the brain is greatly reduced.  However, there’s plenty of activity in the reptilian parts of our brains – so is it surprising how they act?  Most are inclined to do one of two things:  attack or flee.   When the blood boils, listening skills evaporate.  Communication disintegrates.  Relationships suffer.

So just how can one foster good listening?  How can passionate, opinionated people a come together to make wise decisions?   There are plenty of examples.

One approach is to foster a “creative climate”… a setting conducive to quality conversation:

1. Keep it open and inviting:  Take the time to consider a variety of perspectives without criticism, sanctions, and judgment.  Welcome diversity.  Focus on future possibilities rather than with old problems.
2. Grow a learning organization culture:  Minds that are open to learning are less likely to squelch new, even strange, ideas.  Continuous learning can be scary for people who see the world in black and white -- right and wrong.
3. Foster involvement and inclusion:   Genuinely involve people in the conversation and visioning of desirable futures.  People support visions they help create.  Work to build relationships and trust rather than undermining them with accusations and name-calling.  Have fun and celebrate together.  Put the chairs in a circle – symbolizing equity and diversity.

It can take time to rebuild trust and relationships that have been compromised by years of grudges, hostilities, hatred, and injustice.  But, the sooner we start, the better.

One way to begin is to learn about and practice of dialogue.  Dialogue is different than the more traditional approach of debate.  In debate, one argues for one perspective and stands up for what is “right.”  There’s a right and a wrong, a good and a bad, and an us and a them.  In dialogue, listening, learning, and asking questions are key.  People are even encouraged to question their own assumptions and consider multiple viewpoints.  People who disagree are VALUED because they can help us see a larger picture.  When people are valued for their diverse perspectives, deeper listening occurs all around. 

It’s time to come together and stop wasting so much energy fighting with each other.  There’s to much to do.  Contractors building a house don’t fight with each other.  The same is true in community.

The rewards are great.  Building a creative climate, nurturing dialogue, and celebrating our diversity build relationships, families, organizations, and neighborhoods, communities, and regions. 

LeRoy Harvey
leroy@leroyharvey.net    

 

Notes:  These ideas are described in greater detail in The Creative Community Handbook: A Leap to Possibilities Thinking, co-authored by John Victory and LeRoy Harvey (with illustration by Kathryn Darnell), available on line at www.cedp.msu.edu.

The 2008 “Sustainable Community Dialogue Series” will begin on January 12 at Urban Options.  More detail at www.re-news.net/dialogue